Categorized as: rape

Signs That You’re In An Abusive Relationship

Could you be in an abusive relationship and not know it? According to the Huffington Post, nearly 60 percent of all young women have experienced abuse. Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Noticing and acknowledging the signs of an abusive relationship is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the following warning signs and descriptions of abuse, reach out. There is help available.

The Divas In Defense Team wanted to take time out of our jolly – jolly holiday ask these questions:

Do you feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
Does your partner humiliate or yell at you?
Avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
Criticize you and put you down?
Feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
Treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
Ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
Wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
Blame you for their own abusive behavior?
Feel emotionally numb or helpless?
See you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

Does your partner:
Have a bad and unpredictable temper?
Does your partner act excessively jealous and possessive?
Hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
Control where you go or what you do?
Threaten to take your children away or harm them?
Keep you from seeing your friends or family?
Threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
Limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
Force you to have sex?
Limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
Destroy your belongings?
Constantly check up on you?

Women don’t have to live in fear:
National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233

Male victims of abuse can call:
Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men & Women at 888-743-5754

For More Information:
Helpguide.org

#YesAllDaughters

As most of the nation waited anxiously for the Ferguson indictment decision on Monday, three female students and many of their classmates walked out of their Oklahoma high school yesterday afternoon. We are not just talking about their friends but hundreds of students walked out with signs and chanted “ No Justice, no class” and “ No more bullying.”

The students were protesting the school’s response to allegations of bullying of the three female students and their unfortunate rape by the same person. As in any sexual assault cases we see it is extremely hard for the victim to speak up. So to have not only one but three girls who are just in high school speak up and stand their ground is amazing.

As the hashtag #YesAll Daughters gained attention, Norman Police Department Captain Tom Easley has said the school was enlarging a task force to study the implementation of a “targeted, research-based sexual assault curriculum for students,” and that the school will continue to respond quickly to reports of sexual assault and bullying.

Of course this made me stop scrolling on my phone and read the entire article because I am someone’s daughter but this can also affect someone son. The thought of the school was not taking the allegations serious enough and the amount of online bullying that was allowed to go on for so long was outrageous. Many do not realize social media bullying is becoming present in the lives of our teenagers every day. If they are not the ones doing the cyber bullying they are the ones being bullied. It takes one tweet to change a person entire life.

While on winter break sign your Young Diva for Divas In Defense “On Her Own” Workshop December 20th, 2014:

“It’s On Us” To Stop Sexual Assault

Lately, it seems like every time I turn on any news station, there is another college fraternity being suspended for allegations of some type of sexual assault. Recently the University of Virginia has suspended all fraternities and parties associated with the fraternities following a Rolling Stone Magazine article that describes one student’s account of being gang raped and her annoyance with her school to hold her attackers responsible. President Teresa A. Sullivan wrote in a statement to the university community. “Rape is an abhorrent crime that has no place in the world, let alone on the campuses and grounds of our nation’s colleges and universities.

How can we, the female society, willing fill out applications to our dream schools and most of the social clubs are on suspension or investigation for sexual assault. I wanted to know, what are college administrations and our governments doing to protect us on campus from sexual assaults?

Well here is the answer. The Obama Administration launched “It’s On Us” Public Awareness Campaign this year. This campaign has been formulated:

• To RECOGNIZE that non-consensual sex is sexual assault.
• To IDENTIFY situations in which sexual assault may occur.
• To INTERVENE in situations where consent has not or cannot be given.
• To CREATE an environment in which sexual assault is unacceptable and survivors are supported.

“It’s On Us” I believe is a pledge that all schools and colleges can implement to make a big difference on how the female student body.

When a victim can have the support of her school and that her allegations will not go unheard, that is already a strong unified campus that I would want to be apart of.

While on winter break sign your Young Diva for Divas In Defense “On Her Own” Workshop December 20th, 2014:

Take the “Its On Us” Pledge Here:
http://itsonus.org/#pledge_open

“UVA Suspends Fraternities after Report on Gang Rape Allegations.” CNN. Ralph Ellis, 23 Nov. 2014. Web. 23 Nov. 2014

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Street Harassment the Uncomfortable Walk

Before reading those stories, and posting, I accepted it as the norm to get harassed all the time.” (Hollaback participant, 2012) –

Now we all can admit that hearing “That I Notice You” whistle or look might actually brighten up your day, but what can you do if it progresses into an uncomfortable situation: whistle blowing, hisses and the stares. Many do not understand what is the ‘Big Deal”. Non-contact unwanted sexual experiences were the most common form of sexual violence experienced by both women and men.

Event though the assailant is not being physical public harassment is still pretty close to your Personal Safety Zone. The assailant might not even notice they are speaking the language of Sexual Terrorism. It could all be apart of their Social Anxiety Defense Mechanism stemming from low self-esteem.

Street Harassment on College Campuses
Recently the company behind the Hollaback! App collected 282 undergraduate, graduate and part-time college students and 44 college administrators on campuses from the urban, suburban and rural U.S. to find out how harassment exists in spaces of higher education.
• Students are being harassed on their college campuses (67% of students experienced harassment),
• Harassment is limiting student’s ability to benefit from education,
• Current campus systems and processes are insufficient.
• Over 99 percent of women report facing some form of street harassment.
• 95 percent of women report being the target of leering or excessive staring at least once.
• More than 37 percent of women have had a stranger masturbate at or in front of them at least once in public.
• Nearly 57 percent of women reported being touched or grabbed in a sexual way by a stranger in public.
• Over 77 percent of women said they were the targets of kissing noises from men.
• About 62 percent of women say a man has purposely blocked their path at least once.
• About 27 percent of women report being assaulted at least once in public by a stranger.

“But I found myself forcing myself to bring it up and to tell people about it and to, even like, people I wouldn’t normally tell this to, like my Dad… Hollaback cultured my feeling that this should be shared.”
The only way we can become a fighting voice for all of those who cannot.

Sources: http://www.ihollaback.org/
SOURCES: Stop Street Harassment, Feministe/Patrick McNeil, Center for American Progress

You Can’t Do What You Want, It’s My Body

Let me tell you a story of a bi-sexual woman who exudes sexuality; and two men: one accused of possession of child pornography and molestation of under aged girls; and the other sexual exploitation and coercion of young women. Seems like the brewing of a report on eyewitness news.

Well, this is what happened when you get Lady Gaga, R. Kelly and Terry Richardson to do an Advertisement for Rape “collaborative project” called, “Do What You Want With My Body.”

According to the reports, Gaga asked Kelly, “Will I ever be able to walk again?” and he replied, “Yes, if you let me do whatever I want with your body. I’m putting you under, and when you wake up, you’re going to be pregnant.” The video clip of the pulled music video posted by TMZ (see video clip here) depicts a young unconscious woman as a playground for sexual exploitation.

Unfortunately, date rape drugs such as rohypnol, GHB and Ketamine makes this video depiction a real-life situation for too many young ladies. As an Atlanta resident, I am embarrassed that we are ranked No. 1 for Sex Trafficking and at the bottom of the spectrum for high school dropouts.

Here are a few ways to protect yourself from being a victim:

– Keep your drinks with you at all times.

– Don’t accept drinks unless they’re delivered by bar staff.

– Pay attention to the way you feel.

– Use methods of detecting the presence of date rape drugs, like DrinkSavvy, a company which designed a cup to detect date rape drugs.

Spring Break Safety Tips

 

Spring break 2010, this was the headline: The first official week ofSpring Break was a violent one in Daytona Beach, where six rapes were reported in as many days.  Divas In Defense wants to share a few safety tips for Spring Breakers.

Create Memories: Don’t drink until you are blacked out.

Of the six reported rapes, all but one involved alcohol and/or drugs. Three of the victims were unconscious when assaulted. Only one person has been arrested so far.

 

Back to Daytona, FL: Of the six reported rapes, all but one involved alcohol and/or drugs. Three of the victims were unconscious when assaulted. Only one person has been arrested so far.  

 

Wing (Wo)Man: Always have buddy. More than a designated driver, a buddy should make sure no one is taking advantage of you and that you are not putting yourself in a position to be taken advantage of. 

 

 Contact Information: Always carry identification with you and always carry important phone numbers with you. Don’t rely solely on a cell phone or your memory for important numbers, use a combination of the two.

Love Is Blind, Thanks Eve

In 1999, Eve became only the third female rapper in history to have an album go platinum. Let There be Eve . . . Ruff Ryder’s First Lady, Eve’s debut album’s platinum feat was most impressive due to the fact it rode to success on the single “Love is Blind”. The third single off the album is held today in high regards as a classic. The rap ballad –if you will—is an ode to a dear friend of Eve’s that died from domestic violence.

“Hey, yo I don’t even know you and I hate you See all I know is that my girlfriend used to date you How would you feel if she held you down and raped you? Tried and tried, but she never could escape you”

 

In a male dominated music industry, Eve’s opus still resonated with Hip Hop fans male and female. The 1999 hit also featured vocals by Faith Evans, the widow of slain rapper Biggie Smalls. Eve’s song spoke out for a community of women, mostly young African American woman, which were affected by domestic abuse of some sort. In 2005, Black women accounted for just 8% of the population, but accounted for 22% of the intimate partner homicide victims and 29% of all female victims of intimate partner homicide reported blackdoctor.org. Rochelle Sample, 24, a Hampton University graduate believes “Love is Blind” was so powerful, because it finally shed light on what the journalistic media refused to. “Many times we see women of other ethnicities on television and how they are missing and the country rallies to search for them or how they are beaten or worse killed by their husbands or lovers and the country rallies for them. It’s not often that you see this same kind of treatment for Black woman and Eve’s song finally gave young women of color a voice against [domestic] violence,” says Sample.

Just two months ago, via youtube.com a young lady posted a comment on Eve’s video for “Love is Blind,” Lisandra Flores writes (in all caps) “LOVE IS BLIND . . . THANK YOU GOD FOR OPENING MY EYES,” more than a decade later and young women of color are still gravitating towards this song.

Domestic Violence by The #’s

—Honor Killing: In the Middle East and South Asia 20,0000 women lose their lives to honor killings. An Honor Killing is the belief of justifiable murder, because a family member has brought dishonor to the family name and image.

Pulled from the Domestic Violence Pintrest board, these various infographics show domestic violence in teen relations, domestic violence against women, and some startling facts regarding international mind-sets. The first infographic, A Dangerous Gap shows 34% of parents report verbal abuse relationships, while a whooping 62% of tweens report verbal abuse. Early this month, National Teen Dating Violence Month, Divas in Defense shared some blog post that could help parents identify the signs of abuse in teen relationships.

What do India, Ethiopia, Iraq, and Jordan all have in common? The majority of their female population believes it is okay for their husbands to physically assault them. This study was conducted with the help of Unicef. A glimpse at the infographic will show the majority of these countries or Middle Eastern countries and third world economies. No doubt religion, sparse economic activity, and overall patriarchal institutions all play a role to some varying degree.

 Found on loveinfographics.com

 Found on visualrights.tacticaltech.org

Found on blog.mapsofworld.com

 

 

Teen Abuse: 5 Warning Signs for Parents

      

Too often, scars are not only physical; they are commonly psychological scrapes and bruises used to intimidate and break the soul of a person. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention conducted a study that estimates 9% of all teens are victims of dating abuse. Due to maturity levels, most teens have a hard time discerning heated relationship spats or constructive criticism from emotional or mental abuse. As a parent, friend, relative, or mentor of young girls actively engaged in dating it is important to watch for the warning signs of emotional abuse at the hands of a partner. ABC’s 20/20 compiled a list of warning signs that she’s dating an active abuser or potential abuser.

1.       Isolation: Before she met him she had a more active social, school, and/or religious life.

2.       Intimidation: He may not physically harm her, yet frequently breaks or hits inanimate objects.

3.       Degrading “jokes”: He may call her a demeaning pet name, then laugh it off in jest.

4.       Critical: Constant criticism of appearance, talents, or abilities.

5.       Imitation: He may come from a “tragic” home life of abuse as a witness or victim.

The results of abuse manifest themselves in various ways. One common result, is what 1 in 4 girls says, is pressured sex, according to a study conducted by stayteen.org. Some professionals amount the behavior of mental or emotional abuse to pressure partners into sexual intercourse as ‘psychological induced’ rape. To protect young women, it is important to arm them with knowledge surrounding the three different types of abuse: physical, emotional, and sexual. One or more of these abuse types may be at play at the time.

 

GET HELP

If you or someone you know is a victim or emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse, seek help. If you are the abused party, the witness of the abuse, or the abuser please speak with an adult in your life or call the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474 (1-866-331-8453 for the hearing impaired) or online at www.loveisrespect.org. Help is immediate, local, accessible 24/7, and confidential.

Is It Time to Intervene Your Teen?

Signs of Dating Abuse In Teens

It’s hard to believe that we’re already into the month of February. In just two short weeks Valentine’s Day will arrive and many couples will celebrate with home-cooked meals for their significant other, heart-shaped boxes of chocolate, and large amounts of conversation hearts. Even though February is a love-filled month, it’s the perfect time to get educated about dating abuse; particularly teen dating abuse.

February is recognized by President Barack Obama as National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention month. One-in-four high school females have been sexually or physically abused, so chances are you have a friend or know someone in an abusive relationship. How can you tell? Here are a few of the signs:

  • – sudden isolation from friends
  • – bodily injuries like cuts or bruises
  • – dramatically different behavior around his/her boyfriend/girlfriend
  • – over-load of texts or calls from significant other wanting to know where they are
  • – excessive surveillance by significant other of texts or calls

If you or someone you know experiences any or all of these signs, don’t be afraid to seek help. Self-defense classes are an excellent way to stay prepared, even in a serious relationship. Divas In Defense offers such classes for teens and young adults, so please check out divasindefense.com for more information.

Visit www.loveisrespect.org for even more information about teen dating abuse statistics, the signs to look for, and how to seek proper help.

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