Let’s admit it Mom and Dad, we barely know what our teens are doing. We attempt to do our best at raising them to avoid the same bad choices and negative experiences we faced growing up, but they have their own path to follow. On top of it all, they are our offspring; the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree after all.
Regardless of how much we create a safety bubble for our children, society finds a way to affect them… usually through entertainment.
Well, February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month! Even though we ingrain situational awareness, boundary setting, confidence building and the power of NO! to our teens; they can still be abused. I will say this, the numbers produced by the United States Department of Justice (USDOJ) states 1 in 4.5 teens in a relationship will experience some form of abuse. Abuse comes in many facets, not just physical!
Does your teen avoid past friendships because of a new relationship? Have they changed their wardrobe style to something completely different than ever before since entering a relationship? When it comes to self-esteem, is your teen feeling unattractive for the first time ever?
Also, January was Human Trafficking Awareness Month; so let’s not ignore the possibility of lack of situational awareness be a reason to lose our child to this $80 Billion industry.
Talk to your teen, have open dialogue and try your best to be nonjudgmental. You may be surprised what they are facing. Don’t let an attempt at self-harm or suicide be your wake-up call to be attentive to your teen. Pay attention to the warning signs and remember, IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOUR CHILD!
Have you been a victim of violence of any of the following?
Domestic Violence, Rape, Molestation, Sexual Assault, Assault & Battery, Sexual Harassment, Other
Did you know your assailant?
Yes
If so, how long before the experience?
11+ years
Did you report the experience?
Yes
Was the individual(s) convicted and sentenced?
No
Please share the details of your experience as you feel comfortable:
I’m the oldest in my family. I am the only child to both my mother and father. I grew up not knowing my birth father and was raised by my stepfather. I grew up witnessing Domestic Violence, Alcohol Abuse, etc in our home. I was extremely abused physically, verbally, mentally, emotionally and sexually.
My first time being molested I was about 7 or 8. The teenage neighbors would babysit. They would have me put my siblings down for a nap while I was allowed to hang out with them and their boyfriends/girlfriends. One morning while everyone was still sleeping, one of the baby sitters came over and took me down to our basement. He said he lost something down there. While I was helping him look he laid me down, climbed on top of me and began touching me through my panties. I’d seen him make out with his girlfriend and knew it wasn’t right to be doing it to me. Right about the time he pulled out his penis one of my parents called downstairs looking for me and he got scared and went home.
Later that afternoon while sitting on the porch, I was asked me if he touched me. I turned red and started crying. I was then asked if he put anything inside of me and I just looked horrified and was crying hysterically. It was then said to me, “well I guess I have to take you to the doctor to see if he popped your cherry because I’m not having any grandchildren”. I had no idea what they were talking about and I was never taken to the doctor or asked anything about it again. His sister start babysitting instead.
The second time I was molested I was 12. A family friend was living with us and my parents were out of town for a family emergency. While laying in my parents’ bed watching a scary movie I fell asleep. I was wearing a one-piece romper and woke to Him grabbing my breasts, pressing his penis up against me while trying to get my romper off. I threatened to call the neighbor and have her call my parents. I later found him trying to molest others in the family and threatened to tell on him.
When I was 16, I ran away from home for the hundredth or so time. I was sitting on a swing watching boys play basketball when I was approached by a girl coming home from school. She brought me home with her and fed me and let me shower. She introduced me to the boys which included her cousin and brother. Not only did I know where they lived, but I also knew where they worked and they would look out for me and protect me.
One night after they got off work, they came to check on me. While there, another man showed up who I thought was Satan. He was drunk and quite possibly high on something. He pressured the boys into drinking and every bit of my instincts told me to get out. There was only one door and he wouldn’t let me near it. I was staying in a 2 room concrete building and the second door was chained.
When I tried going to the door, he stood in front of me and blocked me. I’m not sure how it started, but he was telling the other guys no one was going anywhere until we had sex. They were drunk by this time also. As I tried to leave, he got more threatening and the three of them beat and raped me. I was a tiny girl but I was extremely tough and I fought like hell. I was thrown against the wall and held by my hands and feet while they pulled my pants down and climbed on top of me. One of the boys, when it was his turn, told me during penetration that he didn’t want to hurt me and that he really liked me. I begged him to stop and make the others stop and he said he was afraid the other man would come back if he didn’t. The man that started it all did nothing but hold me down and watch them rape me and once they were finished he left. The two boys I knew passed out cold on the concrete floor and woke up to me sitting on a bench in shock hysterically crying. I wrote a 5 page letter explaining what happened after being punished and accused of having sex. I was sent to a Psychiatrist without another word about it.
I left home at 17 and became a nanny for one of my friend’s neighbors. She was an alcoholic and drug addict. She used to have parties and orgies and would make me “Date” whichever of the men were interested in me at the time. I remember one man being twice my age and he would make me have sex even while I was bleeding. I bled so bad once during sex I thought he killed me. A couple of days later I had a miscarriage.
I left when I was 18, met a guy and married him out of pressure. I didn’t know at the time, I had Endometriosis and sex was the most painful thing I ever experienced. My husband didn’t care. I was told it was my wifely duty and I didn’t know any better, so I would lay there and cry. There were times I would be paralyzed and couldn’t move or speak due to all the trauma I experienced by then. I even tried committing suicide, but he found me and called an ambulance. I divorced him 2 years later.
Around 1995 or 96 I met a guy who lived around the corner from me. We started hanging out and I was renting a room in a house with other people. We were sitting outside talking and he went in my room to cool down or take a nap. I was fixing lunch and he called me into the room and told me I had to have sex with him.
I told him to go home and he jumped up and starting punching me and beating me. I got to the door and screamed for help. He then locked the door and started beating my head, body, and face with his shoe. I had been beaten my whole life along with witnessing violence in my home, so I never thought I would ever allow a man to put his hands on me like that. One thing I learned quickly… no one was going to help me.
I moved 9 times in one year and had him arrested I don’t know how many times. The people closest to me always told him where to find me. This went on for a year and a half. Once he beat me so bad with a wire hanger I looked like the Elephant Man. Again no one would protect me. I worked 2 jobs so I wouldn’t have to go home. I would get beat in the middle of the street if he wanted money or thought I was looking at someone or talking to them.
A few months after I left him, I ran into an ex I had dated a few years before. I had no clue at that time he was HIV Positive and none of the people that knew told me. Everything was great in the beginning and one day he snapped while we were in the car. Accusing me of flirting with his stepdad and threatening to kill us both while driving like a maniac before he put a gun to my head. I was held hostage in my car and my home.
He would take my car, stay out all night, come home in the morning to make me have sex with him and drop me off at work. Once we pulled into the parking lot of my job and as I went to get out he punched my head so hard it hit the window and took me home, raped me and dropped me back off at work. Again, no one would help me. This abuse went on for a year before my company moved me to another state. All of this happened to me by the time I was 30.
How has this experience impacted you and your relationship(s) with family, friends, co-workers, etc.?
I don’t know how to have a real relationship with anyone. I don’t allow people to get too close or personal. I keep everyone at arm’s length and have no problem walking away without a word. I’ve spent my life running and burying my pain because I was always told I wasn’t allowed to show emotion or feel anything. I lived my entire life feeling like I was never good enough, pretty enough, smart enough or worthy of love. This is what I was told by those that were there to protect me and whom I trusted.
I don’t allow myself to truly love and don’t have a clue as to what healthy love is. It’s made me put everyone’s needs before mine and I’ve spent my life in relationships with men I could control relatively. I was taught from a very young age that sex is all men want and all I have to give them. I suffer from PTSD and Complex Trauma.
Were you initially hesitant to come forward in sharing with us?
Yes
If so, what made you reconsider?
I want to do everything in my power to help others and let them know it’s not their fault.
If you could return to a time before the experience, what advice would you tell yourself and/or your parents?
I would tell my father to leave me in the orphanage and let me be adopted by the Doctor and his wife who wanted me.
What one piece of advice for women who have experienced violence or assault?
There is NOTHING you did or said to deserve ANYTHING that’s been done to you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There is help and you are worth more than DIAMONDS AND GOLD!! YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THE LIES YOU WERE TOLD AND BELIEVE!!
Due to the sensitivity of the aforementioned, some names and recounts may have been amended to accommodate our vast audience. We respect each author’s strength and courage for being vulnerable, but caring enough to share and we are diligent in not altering the content of the message.
Have you been a victim of violence of any of the following?
Rape, Molestation
Did you know your assailant?
Yes
If so, how long before the experience?
2 – 5 years
Did you report the experience?
No
Was the individual(s) convicted and sentenced?
No
Please share the details of your experience as you feel comfortable:
Raising a child as a single mother, the assistance of the community is recommended to lighten the load of parenting. For me, it was no different. By this time, I had been a professional latchkey kid for years. The difference was my mother was married at the time and my step father came home at 4:15 EVERY DAY!
Within a year of their divorce, it was quickly realized my mother coming home at 5:30-ish left too much time for me to be mischievous. This is when our next door neighbors offered their assistance. Our next door neighbors had a daughter named Nicky, who took a liking to me as many teen girls do little kids. She would buy me candy from the “candy man” (if you didn’t have a community candy store, you DID NOT live in the Hood), she would watch cartoons with me, she would compliment my drawings and so much more. Why not let Nicky watch me?
I remember the first time sitting in her room, there was this picture of Prince on the wall with this feather-style hairdo. He was naked, but covering up his “manly” parts. I can honestly say, this is what I remember the most. His eyes were so judgmental and it freaked me out. Nicky would bake me chocolate chip cookies, which is still my favorite dessert, and serve them to me hot with some cold milk. My mouth is salivating thinking about some cookies now.
Everyday when she got home from school, which was like 3:30, she would knock on the door to get me after she got off the bus. Her bus stop was in front of the house, so I eagerly anticipated her bus arriving everyday. This went on for some weeks.
The first thing I recall, which would definitely be deemed inappropriate for one of my children, was Nicky asking me have I ever kissed a girl. I remember being disgusted by the girls in school drowning me with kisses during ‘Catch A Boy, Kiss A Boy’ where a group of girls would go after me, Calvin Mays and Willie Wheeler. Of course, this didn’t leave an interest for me; but I wanted didn’t want to seem like a “baby” so I hid my disgust and replied, “No.”
At this moment, Nicky instructed me to close my eyes and pucker up. I did as asked without hesitation. Nicky wasn’t cute to me then, but she was so nice to me I practically would have done anything not to disappoint her. I remember her kissing me and I went straight back to eating my cookies. She asked what I thought about it, with a full mouth I shook my head to signal my approval.
It was at this moment when Nicky told me it was our little secret, which was easy because I didn’t want her to blow the lid on all these cookies I ate before dinner. This was the beginning. Over the next couple of days, the kissing became our greeting and the cookies kept on coming. Fast forward about a week or two…
I came to the house and entered Nicky’s room, freaked out by the picture of Prince; Nicky told me she found something she wanted me to see. It was a VHS tape! I was in awe, we didn’t have a VCR in our house so I was curious to see what it did. I patiently waited for Nicky to connect the VCR to her TV, all the while eating my cookies. Once connected, I remember her turning around and looking at me. She said, “You are not supposed to see this, if you tell anyone we can go to jail.” JAIL? I thought, but this was Nicky so I knew she had my best interest in mind.
Growing up around women, I remember seeing breasts and booty. Being I was 9, my mother and aunts just started being discreet with their bodies by attempting to shield themselves. Therefore when the movie started, I wasn’t taken aback by the fact the woman was topless. They were just breasts! This is when a man walked into the frame.
I sat there eating my cookies and drinking my milk, now puzzled by this movie. The man and the woman kissed. This is when Nicky took my plate and my glass of milk, placing it on her bed side, night stand. She asked me to do what the man on the video did. Okay, I remember thinking. If this is what you want and you give me back my cookies… sure thing.
It started with tongue kissing, I thought it was weird because I hadn’t brushed my teeth since the morning; but it is what Nicky wanted. Then she took off her shirt exposing her breasts. The man in the video started licking her breasts, so I mimicked him trying to please her to get back to my cookies. She moaned and groaned like the lady in the video, so I felt like an actor. I repeated some of the stuff he said and we continued.
Within a few minutes, the lady unbuttoned the man’s pants and took him into her mouth. Nicky did the same. I recall looking disgusted like… Pee-Pee comes out this thing. But, I didn’t want to upset her so I complied. I don’t remember enjoying it, but I know it did give me some arousal. How? Because the next scene he entered her with his penis.
All I could think about was, how long is this? I think my cookies are cold and my milk is warm. Yet, we continued. I don’t remember how long it lasted, but I would assume a few minutes. She made me vow to not say a word or I may never see her again, let alone never get anymore pre-dinner cookies. My lips remained sealed.
This went on over a few months, during this time we had seen and recreated at least 15 different movies. Everything from oral to vaginal penetration. It became something I knew I had to do to get my cookies (no pun intended). I can honestly admit, this may have continued for years if she didn’t move. By now, my mother was pregnant with my younger brother so I chalked the experience up as mutual curiosity.
I never really looked at myself as being molested, although my wife, past girlfriends and friends have always said I was. It was the #SurvivingRKelly docu-series which has forced me to come to the realization that I too am a Survivor.
Although, I wouldn’t recognize Nicky if she walked up to me today. I will always remember how Prince looked at me in judgment every time I had “cookies” with my darling, Nicky!
How has this experience impacted you and your relationship(s) with family, friends, co-workers, etc.?
To be honest, I think it made me have an insatiable appetite for sex. In middle school, boys would grab girls butts and things. I remember thinking, what is the purpose? It may have had an impact on the way I love also. I love hard and fast.
Were you initially hesitant to come forward in sharing with us?
Yes
If so, what made you reconsider?
I own a self-defense company called Divas In Defense. I deal with a lot of violence against women, so I kind of dismissed my experience as curiosity. The hype around the docu-series, Surviving R. Kelly, reminded me of how innocent I was as well as willing to sell out myself for cookies. I went to a cigar bar with a couple of friends who described their abuse as well. This is when I realized, wait… I was molested! On January 13, 2019, I posted on Facebook a simple post about being molested by my babysitter and realized it is a dilemma. If it happened to us, so many men in my immediate circle… #WhoElse
If you could return to a time before the experience, what advice would you tell yourself and/or your parents?
First of all, I would tell myself I am worth more than hot cookies and cold milk. I would advise my mother to pay attention to my body language and things of that nature. I remember once I was masturbating with spit from my mouth. My mother walked in like, why does it smell like spit in here? Ashamed, I shrugged my shoulders and let her finish yelling before she stormed out. I wish she inquired a little more.
What one piece of advice for women who have experienced violence or assault?
When I originally came up with the questions for this, I was being gender specific about women who experienced abuse. I teach women self-defense, why focus on men I thought. I was wrong!
The one piece of advice I would have for ANYONE who experienced violence or assault is… If you feel the need to hide or be bribed to keep something secretive, it should probably be brought to light.
Due to the sensitivity of the aforementioned, some names and recounts may have been amended to accommodate our vast audience. We respect each author’s strength and courage for being vulnerable, but caring enough to share and we are diligent in not altering the content of the message.
The man who cultivated a culture and entire generation of African-Americans to excel in education and family, was secretly a predator of women. Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable…The Voice of Fat Albert… Mr. Jell-O Pudding Pops…a Rapist! I remember being a teenager with no interest in college being raised by a single mother thinking, WOW! The Cosby Show gave me the possibility of a complete Black family unit with two successful parents. Soon to follow, A Different World, which set the fire for me to be one of the first in my family to go to college.
What is the world coming to? I can honestly tell you, the World has been here for quite some time:
Every 98 seconds, a woman is a victim of attack.
600 women are sexually assaulted daily.
One in five women have been raped in their lifetime.
Nearly half of rape victims were assaulted by an acquaintance.
“This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.” – Polonius (Hamlet)
I am sick and tired of the excuses people use for their personal demons and shortcomings. Bill Cosby has been tried and convicted of assaulting three women. THREE WOMEN! This does not count those who feared coming forward, were paid to remain silent or did not get their chance in court. As much as I am happy for his many contributions to children, I am equally disappointed for his victimization of women.
These attacks are completely and utterly inexcusable! This was not an isolated occurrence. The #MeToo movement has proven there are many voices who remain unheard.
Dr. Cosby, for you to act like you are the victim here, I have only one thing to say about you…
“You’re like school on Saturday: NO CLASS!” – Rudy (Fat Albert & The Cosby Kids)
Ah, February! As we eagerly anticipate the day of love, Valentine’s Day; let us not forget how many brokenhearted and abused girls there are in young relationships. This month, in addition to finding love, we encourage those to face new relationships with the ‘Love Me Pain Free’ mentality.
Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month is a national effort to raise awareness about dating violence, promote programs that support young people, and encourage communities to prevent this form of abuse with the goal of decreasing the prevalence of dating violence among young people.
Here are a few facts about Teen Dating Violence:
33% of adolescents in America are victim to sexual, physical, verbal, or emotional dating abuse.
Teens who suffer dating abuse are subject to long-term consequences like alcoholism, eating disorders, promiscuity, thoughts of suicide, and violent behavior.
In the U.S., 25% of high school girls have been abused physically or sexually. Teen girls who are abused this way are 6 times more likely to become pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted disease (STD).
50% of young people who experience rape or physical or sexual abuse will attempt to commit suicide.
Roughly 1.5 million high school boys and girls in the U.S. admit to being intentionally hit or physically harmed in the last year by someone they are romantically involved with.
1 in 5 teens in a dating relationship report being hit, slapped, or pushed by their partner.
Divas In Defense provides teens with a college preparatory, self-defense workshop. The program is called On Her Own. The course includes the twelve elements of personal safety critical for this age group, including date rape drugs, jogging safety, safe parking lot strategies, social media net-iquette, on-campus violence, cyber stalkers and more. Young women enjoy and are empowered by our ten instinctive street fighting tools we teach.
Dating Violence Resources for Young People & Parents
A Thin Line
Empowering youth to stop the spread of digital abuse.
Technology Safety Planning with Survivors
Help young survivors of teen dating violence make safer decisions online with safety planning tips sheets from the National Network to End Domestic Violence. Available in English, Spanish, Chinese, Korean Vietnamese, Somali and Russian.
(Resource information courtesy of Family & Youth Services Bureau)
As the leaves fall and the weather gets cool one of the most festive, crazy and creative holidays is quickly approaching. It is loved by the young and old, the at home- costume doers along with the over the top house decorators. If it isn’t for the bags full of candy or the mystery of “who is behind the mask” you cannot help but enjoy some part of Halloween.
This post will be packed of little Tricks and Treats to keep you and you family safe next weekend. With every one running around getting that last eye ball to glue on or finding the ‘just right shade of white face paint’ we at Divas In Defense do not want you to forget that safety is key to a successful evening.
Before you or a group of your Lil’ Ladybug or Fireman friends head out; make sure you have completed your check list:
Have route already planned out.
Make sure designated watchers are assigned.
Costumes are properly fitted with reflector tape or some type of light that can be seen by drivers and walkers.
You can even make your own waterproof informational tattoo. All you need is a sharpie and clear nail polish!
Costumes – Beware! Of people in mask or face covering costumes. They are not only cool to scare but they are an easy way to disguise a person real intention.
Candy – Check your kid’s candy and ‘When in doubt, Throw it out!!! For adults this rule applies as well, check those party favors and punch bowls.
Pets- You will want to keep your cats indoors especially the unofficial mascot of Halloween the Black Cat. Some may take this opportunity to really bring harm to your for legged friend.
Fierce & Fabulous Divas 21+ – With so many goblins and ghouls roaming the streets on All Hallows’ Eve, things can get a little scary. Here are some Uber tips so you have a safe night with treats and no tricks.
Make sure driver ID, type of car and plate matches.
Pre dial 911 – so you can hit send ASAP
Call someone beforehand, while in the car and once you have reached your destination.
Place a business care or matchbook in your purse to ensure you return to your correct hotel.
Halloween can be a fun time of year for both children and adults alike. Whether you plan to get decked out in an elaborate costume and attend a haunted bash, take the kids trick-or-treating, or stay home and hand out goodies to all the ghosts and goblins who appear on your doorstep, the usage of these little tricks and treats will ensure everyone has a safe and fun Halloween.
The Spring Break season is steadily approaching. This is the time where teens and family do lots of travelling. It is important for Spring Breakers to use caution and discretion when visiting different cities. Below are a list of tips provided to assist travelers to their vacation and back in the safest way possible.
Never leave valuables in plain view in your car. Lock items in your trunk before reaching your destination.
Before leaving your hotel, take a card from the front desk with the name of the hotel, phone number, and address, just in case you need help getting back. Also, put this information in your phone to be extra sure you have it.
All genuine taxis will have some sort of ID or badge. Check for this before accepting a ride.
If you ever feel unsafe, it is completely within your rights to abandon a taxi or any other ride service at a safe stop. Leave money behind on the seat and get out of there if you don’t feel safe.
Try to go the ATM in groups, but avoid getting overly complacent about safety just because you’re traveling in numbers.
When entering in your pin number, use your other hand or your body to cover the keypad. Just because you don’t see someone watching you doesn’t mean there couldn’t still be a camera capturing what you type.
When you check in at the front desk, use discretion in saying your room number out loud for anyone in the lobby to hear. No one outside of your group of friends needs to know your exact location.
Always keep an eye on your drink. If you go the bathroom, take your drink with you! Date rape drugs can be put into any drink, including non-alcoholic drinks. It is also important to remember that while drugs being slipped into drinks is something you should be aware of and guard against, alcohol itself is the most common date rape drug. In a 2007 study by the National Institute of Health, it was reported that 89% of female undergrad sexual assault survivors reported drinking before their assault. No survivor is to blame for their assault, but the links between alcohol and victimization are staggering and cannot be ignored.
Generally viewed as a problem only in Third World countries, sex trafficking is destroying the lives of men, women, and children all across the United States. It is happening in OUR backyard. Let’s be clear, Human Trafficking is not the same as prostitution and not only girls are affected; boys are in high demand also.
WHAT WE’VE LEARNED:
– Vulnerable people are trafficked in the commercial sex trade and labor industry every day in America.
– In 2014, the National Human Trafficking Resource Center (NHTRC) hotline received multiple reports of human trafficking cases in each of the 50 states and D.C
– More than 18,000 total cases of human trafficking have been reported to the NHTRC hotline in the last eight years. The hotline receives an average of 100 calls per day.
– The International Labor Organization estimates that there are 20.9 million victims of human trafficking worldwide. 5.5 million of those are children. 14.2 million of those are victims of labor exploitation.
– In 2014, the International Labor Organization estimated that forced labor generates $150 billion in profits a year worldwide.
– In 2013, an estimated 1 out of 7 endangered runaways reported to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Childrenwere likely child sex trafficking victims. Of those, 67 percent were in the care of social services or foster care when they ran.
According to federal law, any minor under the age of 18 engaging in commercial sex is a victim of sex trafficking, regardless of the presence of force, fraud, or coercion.
The FBI reports that the average age that a girl is first recruited into prostitution or sex trafficking in the U.S. is 11-14 years-old. Her life span at that point becomes 7 years, due to the risk of overdose, STDs, suicide, and homicide. The FBI has also indicated that Atlanta is among the worst cities in the country for sex trafficking. According to FBI statistics, Atlanta ranks among the top 14 cities in the United States for domestic minor sex trafficking (DMST). Over 300 girls across Atlanta are lured into trafficking every month.
But there is hope! Atlanta is also regarded as one of the cities having the most coordinated response to trafficking. If you want to get involved as an advocate to stop these heinous CRIMES, contact Street Grace at http://www.streetgrace.org.
If you or someone you know needs help, call the National Human Trafficking Resource Center (NHTRC) toll-free hotline, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 1-888-373-7888 to speak with a specially trained NHTRC Call Specialist. Support is provided in more than 200 languages. We are here to listen and connect you with the help you need to stay safe.
[We’re] giving survivors for the first time a voice in the military justice process
– Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel
The military reports that more women are willing to report sexual assaults. In a new anonymous survey, it is suggested victims are becoming far more willing to file complaints than in years past.
According to the Associated Press, 1 in every 4 victims filed a report this year, in sharp contrast to 2012, when only about 1 in every 10 military victims came forward.
Before the survey results were reported, The White House believed it would increase sexual abuse in the ranks and change a culture that forces victims to keep their mouths shut.
Now roughly 60 percent of women in the military said they experienced retaliation for reporting a sexual assault, according to the new report.
The Defense Department conducted their last anonymous report in 2012 and found about 26,000 services members said they had been the victim of unwanted sexual contact — a number that stunned officials and outraged lawmakers, triggering a barrage of congressional hearings and legislative changes.
The officials said there were nearly 6,000 victims of reported assaults in 2014, compared with just over 5,500 last year. The Pentagon changed its method of accounting for the assaults this year, and now each victim counts for one report. This year, that number dropped to about 19,000 — including about 10,500 men and 8,500 women — which officials said suggested that there was a trend of sexual assaults declining.
Could you be in an abusive relationship and not know it? According to the Huffington Post, nearly 60 percent of all young women have experienced abuse. Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Noticing and acknowledging the signs of an abusive relationship is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the following warning signs and descriptions of abuse, reach out. There is help available.
The Divas In Defense Team wanted to take time out of our jolly – jolly holiday ask these questions:
Do you feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
Does your partner humiliate or yell at you?
Avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
Criticize you and put you down?
Feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
Treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
Ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
Wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
Blame you for their own abusive behavior?
Feel emotionally numb or helpless?
See you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
Does your partner:
Have a bad and unpredictable temper?
Does your partner act excessively jealous and possessive?
Hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
Control where you go or what you do?
Threaten to take your children away or harm them?
Keep you from seeing your friends or family?
Threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
Limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
Force you to have sex?
Limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
Destroy your belongings?
Constantly check up on you?
