Items tagged safety tips

What’s Going On With Your Teen?

Let’s admit it Mom and Dad, we barely know what our teens are doing. We attempt to do our best at raising them to avoid the same bad choices and negative experiences we faced growing up, but they have their own path to follow. On top of it all, they are our offspring; the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree after all.

Regardless of how much we create a safety bubble for our children, society finds a way to affect them… usually through entertainment.

Well, February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month! Even though we ingrain situational awareness, boundary setting, confidence building and the power of NO! to our teens; they can still be abused. I will say this, the numbers produced by the United States Department of Justice (USDOJ) states 1 in 4.5 teens in a relationship will experience some form of abuse. Abuse comes in many facets, not just physical!

Does your teen avoid past friendships because of a new relationship? Have they changed their wardrobe style to something completely different than ever before since entering a relationship? When it comes to self-esteem, is your teen feeling unattractive for the first time ever?

Also, January was Human Trafficking Awareness Month; so let’s not ignore the possibility of lack of situational awareness be a reason to lose our child to this $80 Billion industry.

Talk to your teen, have open dialogue and try your best to be nonjudgmental. You may be surprised what they are facing. Don’t let an attempt at self-harm or suicide be your wake-up call to be attentive to your teen. Pay attention to the warning signs and remember, IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOUR CHILD!

No One Would Help Me

Contributor: Misty Cuneo (Purple Chair Talk)

Is this your first time sharing your experience?

Yes

Have you been a victim of violence of any of the following?

Domestic Violence, Rape, Molestation, Sexual Assault, Assault & Battery, Sexual Harassment, Other

Did you know your assailant?

Yes

If so, how long before the experience?

11+ years

Did you report the experience?

Yes

Was the individual(s) convicted and sentenced?

No

Please share the details of your experience as you feel comfortable:

I’m the oldest in my family. I am the only child to both my mother and father. I grew up not knowing my birth father and was raised by my stepfather. I grew up witnessing Domestic Violence, Alcohol Abuse, etc in our home. I was extremely abused physically, verbally, mentally, emotionally and sexually.

My first time being molested I was about 7 or 8. The teenage neighbors would babysit. They would have me put my siblings down for a nap while I was allowed to hang out with them and their boyfriends/girlfriends. One morning while everyone was still sleeping, one of the baby sitters came over and took me down to our basement. He said he lost something down there. While I was helping him look he laid me down, climbed on top of me and began touching me through my panties. I’d seen him make out with his girlfriend and knew it wasn’t right to be doing it to me. Right about the time he pulled out his penis one of my parents called downstairs looking for me and he got scared and went home.

Later that afternoon while sitting on the porch, I was asked me if he touched me. I turned red and started crying. I was then asked if he put anything inside of me and I just looked horrified and was crying hysterically. It was then said to me, “well I guess I have to take you to the doctor to see if he popped your cherry because I’m not having any grandchildren”. I had no idea what they were talking about and I was never taken to the doctor or asked anything about it again. His sister start babysitting instead.

The second time I was molested I was 12. A family friend was living with us and my parents were out of town for a family emergency. While laying in my parents’ bed watching a scary movie I fell asleep. I was wearing a one-piece romper and woke to Him grabbing my breasts, pressing his penis up against me while trying to get my romper off. I threatened to call the neighbor and have her call my parents. I later found him trying to molest others in the family and threatened to tell on him.

When I was 16, I ran away from home for the hundredth or so time. I was sitting on a swing watching boys play basketball when I was approached by a girl coming home from school. She brought me home with her and fed me and let me shower. She introduced me to the boys which included her cousin and brother. Not only did I know where they lived, but I also knew where they worked and they would look out for me and protect me.

One night after they got off work, they came to check on me. While there, another man showed up who I thought was Satan. He was drunk and quite possibly high on something. He pressured the boys into drinking and every bit of my instincts told me to get out. There was only one door and he wouldn’t let me near it. I was staying in a 2 room concrete building and the second door was chained.

When I tried going to the door, he stood in front of me and blocked me. I’m not sure how it started, but he was telling the other guys no one was going anywhere until we had sex. They were drunk by this time also. As I tried to leave, he got more threatening and the three of them beat and raped me. I was a tiny girl but I was extremely tough and I fought like hell. I was thrown against the wall and held by my hands and feet while they pulled my pants down and climbed on top of me. One of the boys, when it was his turn, told me during penetration that he didn’t want to hurt me and that he really liked me. I begged him to stop and make the others stop and he said he was afraid the other man would come back if he didn’t. The man that started it all did nothing but hold me down and watch them rape me and once they were finished he left. The two boys I knew passed out cold on the concrete floor and woke up to me sitting on a bench in shock hysterically crying. I wrote a 5 page letter explaining what happened after being punished and accused of having sex. I was sent to a Psychiatrist without another word about it.

I left home at 17 and became a nanny for one of my friend’s neighbors. She was an alcoholic and drug addict. She used to have parties and orgies and would make me “Date” whichever of the men were interested in me at the time. I remember one man being twice my age and he would make me have sex even while I was bleeding. I bled so bad once during sex I thought he killed me. A couple of days later I had a miscarriage.

I left when I was 18, met a guy and married him out of pressure. I didn’t know at the time, I had Endometriosis and sex was the most painful thing I ever experienced. My husband didn’t care. I was told it was my wifely duty and I didn’t know any better, so I would lay there and cry. There were times I would be paralyzed and couldn’t move or speak due to all the trauma I experienced by then. I even tried committing suicide, but he found me and called an ambulance. I divorced him 2 years later.

Around 1995 or 96 I met a guy who lived around the corner from me. We started hanging out and I was renting a room in a house with other people. We were sitting outside talking and he went in my room to cool down or take a nap. I was fixing lunch and he called me into the room and told me I had to have sex with him.

I told him to go home and he jumped up and starting punching me and beating me. I got to the door and screamed for help. He then locked the door and started beating my head, body, and face with his shoe. I had been beaten my whole life along with witnessing violence in my home, so I never thought I would ever allow a man to put his hands on me like that. One thing I learned quickly… no one was going to help me.

I moved 9 times in one year and had him arrested I don’t know how many times. The people closest to me always told him where to find me. This went on for a year and a half. Once he beat me so bad with a wire hanger I looked like the Elephant Man. Again no one would protect me. I worked 2 jobs so I wouldn’t have to go home. I would get beat in the middle of the street if he wanted money or thought I was looking at someone or talking to them.

A few months after I left him, I ran into an ex I had dated a few years before. I had no clue at that time he was HIV Positive and none of the people that knew told me. Everything was great in the beginning and one day he snapped while we were in the car. Accusing me of flirting with his stepdad and threatening to kill us both while driving like a maniac before he put a gun to my head. I was held hostage in my car and my home.

He would take my car, stay out all night, come home in the morning to make me have sex with him and drop me off at work. Once we pulled into the parking lot of my job and as I went to get out he punched my head so hard it hit the window and took me home, raped me and dropped me back off at work. Again, no one would help me. This abuse went on for a year before my company moved me to another state. All of this happened to me by the time I was 30.

How has this experience impacted you and your relationship(s) with family, friends, co-workers, etc.?

I don’t know how to have a real relationship with anyone. I don’t allow people to get too close or personal. I keep everyone at arm’s length and have no problem walking away without a word. I’ve spent my life running and burying my pain because I was always told I wasn’t allowed to show emotion or feel anything. I lived my entire life feeling like I was never good enough, pretty enough, smart enough or worthy of love. This is what I was told by those that were there to protect me and whom I trusted.

I don’t allow myself to truly love and don’t have a clue as to what healthy love is. It’s made me put everyone’s needs before mine and I’ve spent my life in relationships with men I could control relatively. I was taught from a very young age that sex is all men want and all I have to give them. I suffer from PTSD and Complex Trauma.

Were you initially hesitant to come forward in sharing with us?

Yes

If so, what made you reconsider?

I want to do everything in my power to help others and let them know it’s not their fault.

If you could return to a time before the experience, what advice would you tell yourself and/or your parents?

I would tell my father to leave me in the orphanage and let me be adopted by the Doctor and his wife who wanted me.

What one piece of advice for women who have experienced violence or assault?

There is NOTHING you did or said to deserve ANYTHING that’s been done to you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There is help and you are worth more than DIAMONDS AND GOLD!! YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THE LIES YOU WERE TOLD AND BELIEVE!!

Due to the sensitivity of the aforementioned, some names and recounts may have been amended to accommodate our vast audience. We respect each author’s strength and courage for being vulnerable, but caring enough to share and we are diligent in not altering the content of the message.

Mother’s Day… Everyday!

The day after Mother’s Day is usually a solemn one. For the celebrated mothers, it is a reminder of being back to the toils of normalcy. For those whose mothers have transitioned, the challenge of returning to work or school to hear about the ‘wonderful times with Mom’ can be excruciating.

Mothers, you are worth a daily celebration for all you do to ensure our happiness and upbringing. At times, I am often apologetic for my lackadaisical approach to showing appreciation to the matriarch of our family structure. I am blessed to have a spouse who can assist me with such a daunting feat. I can only empathize with single parents; imagining the task of raising children to be embraced by today’s society while educating them to be passionate, righteous and safe.

So this day, the day after Mother’s Day, I want to say thank you to all of the mothers of the World. Even though you too may be challenged with personal faults, you are still appreciated!

I have a special place in my heart for mothers who have to illustrate a false sense of happiness while covering wounds of depression and abuse to protect their children. Can you imagine facing a child or children who sense your pain and vulnerabilities after witnessing your abuse? The strength of Mom is immeasurable beyond belief.

Take a moment out of your day to show a mom, even if not your Mom, some appreciation for all she does. Something as simple as a phone call, a smile or words of encouragement can show a mother the love she deserves.

Seven Safety Tips for Runners

Whether you are an avid runner or preparing for an upcoming 5K or 10K for a cause, it is important for you to always keep your safety at the forefront of your routine. Here are seven simple safety tips to ensure your safety on your run.

CHECK IN. Make sure you inform someone of your run time(s) and estimated ending time. Letting others know and checking in with them relives the worry.

WHO YOU GONNA CALL? Different situations present themselves often. For your safety, a cellular phone is detrimental in case of emergency.

BE SEEN. It is imperative in both day and night running to be visible to others, especially drivers. Be cognizant about your running outfit’s ability to be seen in high and low light conditions. Always assume drivers can not see you, therefore go out of your way to be seen.

HEAR ME NOW? Unplug at least one, if not both, of your ears from headphones when running. Considering your hearing gives you a completely different perspective of your surroundings, you will be more likely to recognize impending dangers by listening.

I SEE YOU! If you are running near moving vehicles, it is best to run facing traffic. This gives you an opportunity to avoid being run over by seeing if drivers are paying attention or driving erratically.

SAVE A LITTLE BIT. Keep in mind, if you are attacked you may have to run and/or fight back. Do not exhaust yourself where you will be unable to do either. When leaving it all on the track, store a little reservation for the just in case situation.

STICKS AND STONES DO BREAK BONES. When running, it would be best to have a weapon of some sort to defend your self against potential attackers and animal attacks. The Too Hot To Trot is a non-evasive pepper spray for runners and the Knuckle Up allows you to be electrifying with a runner-friendly stun gun. The Brutus and the Attitude Adjuster both are designed for easy hauling while running.

Divas In Defense Partners With City of Atlanta Fire & Rescue

The City of Atlanta Fire Rescue Department (AFRD) will host its annual Open House on Saturday, June 18, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. All fire stations across the City of Atlanta will open to the public, giving visitors the opportunity to meet their firefighters and tour the station house. We will be located at Station No. 9 in the City of Atlanta and will offer programs and activities, including fire safety education, preventive health screenings, car seat safety workshops, smoke detector giveaways, food and music for participants.

Atlanta residents and visitors are always welcome to visit an Atlanta Fire Rescue Station for blood pressure screenings and emergency medical services 24-hours a day.

For more information about the City of Atlanta, please visit http://www.atlantaga.gov. Follow the City of Atlanta on Facebook and Twitter @CityofAtlanta. Follow Mayor Reed on Facebook and Twitter @Kasim Reed

#DivasInDefense #CommunityPartner #PartnerWithPurpose #AtlantaFireDepartment #DivasInDefenseCares #MLKFireStation #June18 #Fierce #Fabulous #Divas #DID #OnTheScene

Safe Apps

Ten years ago, it was difficult to communicate to let family and friends know that you were safe. It was even more difficult to let them know you were in a unsafe situation. Now, we all have cell phones with GPS locators. This recent technology provides a safety net for cell phone users. The are multiple apps that provide ways to communicate with authorities, family and friends in emergencies or sketchy situations. Below are a few apps that are great additions to your current apps.

Watch Over Me

Watch Over Me greets you with a screen that presents two statements, ‘Watch Over Me While I…’ and ‘For…’, followed by two buttons. For each statement you fill in an action (‘walk home’, ‘walk to my car’, ‘take a cab’, ‘meet someone’, or add a new event), and a time frame . Once you’ve selected these specifics and tapped the ‘Watch Over Me’ button, the app takes you to a countdown screen with a round button to tap to confirm your safety, and a square button below it to tap to extend the watch session. If you don’t confirm your safety by the time the counter hits zero, the app contacts your previously designated friends (via SMS, email, or even Facebook) with your GPS location. Two other buttons remain constant throughout the app: the Instant Emergency Alert button, and a banner at the top that you can tap to unlock all the app’s features.

bSafe

bSafe has some of the same features as Watch Over Me—for instance, it allows you to add contacts (it calls them Guardians) who can follow you when you’re on your way home. Like the other apps, it has an SOS button that will set off an alert to your Guardians, with your GPS location. Once you’ve registered with bSafe, the app asks you to select Guardians from your contacts list. You’ll need to have at least one contact that can be reached via telephone; other Guardians can be accessible via text message or a combination of the two. If you’re in danger, hit the red SOS button, and the app sounds an alarm, sets off a bright light on your phone, texts your location to your contacts, and calls a Guardian.

Circle of 6

The design is simple. It takes two touches to get help, so no fumbling or digging around for the right number. The design ensures safety, speed and privacy. GPS is integrated (using Google maps), and is only activated by you, and sent to your own Circle of 6. It uses icons to represent actions, so that no one can tell what you’re up to if they see your phone.

1. Car icon: Come and get me. SMS message reads, “Come and get me. I need help getting home safely. My GPS coordinates are…”

2. Phone icon: Call me. SMS message reads, “Call and pretend you need me. I need an interruption.”

3. Chat icon: I need some advice. SMS message reads, “I’m looking for information, just letting you know.” This will link the user with risk-assessment tools and information about healthy vs. abusive relationships developed by content partners.

The Invisible War

[We’re] giving survivors for the first time a voice in the military justice process

– Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel

The military reports that more women are willing to report sexual assaults. In a new anonymous survey, it is suggested victims are becoming far more willing to file complaints than in years past.

According to the Associated Press, 1 in every 4 victims filed a report this year, in sharp contrast to 2012, when only about 1 in every 10 military victims came forward.

Before the survey results were reported, The White House believed it would increase sexual abuse in the ranks and change a culture that forces victims to keep their mouths shut.

Now roughly 60 percent of women in the military said they experienced retaliation for reporting a sexual assault, according to the new report.

The Defense Department conducted their last anonymous report in 2012 and found about 26,000 services members said they had been the victim of unwanted sexual contact — a number that stunned officials and outraged lawmakers, triggering a barrage of congressional hearings and legislative changes.

The officials said there were nearly 6,000 victims of reported assaults in 2014, compared with just over 5,500 last year. The Pentagon changed its method of accounting for the assaults this year, and now each victim counts for one report. This year, that number dropped to about 19,000 — including about 10,500 men and 8,500 women — which officials said suggested that there was a trend of sexual assaults declining.

Hey Mom/Dad, What About Me?

Check The Back Seat, Before You Stand On Your Feet

This rising epidemic of children dying in cars is out of hand. As a parent, the fear of any of my children dying before me is one of my worst nightmares. It seems as if there is a new story daily of a parent arrested or distraught over the death of a child left behind. Whether intentional or not, the loss of life through heat and dehydration is a miserable death.

According to SafeCar.gov, here are a few Risks & Consequences:

Risks:
– In 10 minutes, a car can heat up 20 degrees Fahrenheit.
– Cracking a window does little to keep the car cool.
– With temperatures in the 60s, your car can heat up to well above 110 degrees.
– A child’s body temperature can rise up to five times faster than an adults.

Consequences:
– The heat-related death of a child.
– Misdemeanor with fines as high as $500 – and even imprisonment in some states.
– Felony, depending on the state, if bodily harm results from leaving kids alone in a hot car.

Here are a few tips to prevent leaving a child in a car:

1. Stay off the phone! As a self-defense professional, I am dumbfounded by the lack of attention to life while talking or texting on a cellphone. I swear it is situational awareness’ arch nemesis. I’ve personally seen a teenage girl sideswiped as she walked into oncoming traffic blindly texting on her phone. It is the ultimate distraction in which the convenience causes some many negative consequences.

2. Talk to your child. The demands of our lives leaves little room for quality time with our loved ones. I can admit, I too am guilty of being non-attentive to my family. We are a household of technology, iPads, iPhones, Galaxy Tabs, Galaxy S5, Amazon Kindles, video games; you name it, we got it. If you are in the vehicle with your child or children, this is a perfect time for quality time. Staying off of technology prevents accidents and talking to your child(ren) is nourishing and a continuous reminder of their presence.

3. Have a reminder! The old string on your finger adage is a thing of the past, yet the need to be reminded is even more prominent than the days of old. We have a product called, The BabySitter, which is a distance alarm for small children and those with dementia and autism. The BabySitter looks like a Teddy Bear with a separate keychain alarm. When the distance between the two reach 3 to 10 meters, the keychain beeps to acknowledge lack of close proximity to one another. In addition, it also works in stores and parks with the addition of a built in 90db child locator alarm.

For more information regarding The BabySitter, visit http://www.divasindense.com.

Download “A Parent’s Guide to Playing It Safe With Kids and Cars.“

Three Safety Tips to Defend a Home Invasion

There’s no place like home!

Time and time again we chant, “Lord, let me make it home safely.” What if the same dwelling you find solace in is compromised? What would you do? Yesterday, an intruder armed with a machine gun entered the home of Oscar-winning actress, Sandra Bullock. After spending over an hour in her home, she managed to stay safe. See more of the story from CNN here.

Here are a few preliminary steps you can take to ease the stress of an intrusion:

1. Have an evacuation plan in place. Knowing what you are going to do before you have to actually do it, makes life simpler. If you and your family (housemates) practice what to do in case of an invasion, fire or natural disaster, it can minimize the stress of finding everyone should there be an emergency. Have a place INSIDE the home to meet or escape to if someone breaks in. In addition, a place OUTSIDE the home in case of fire or following a natural disaster assists with an adequate head count. Put in place and practice often.

2. Put that OLD CELLPHONE to use! If you, like most of us, change out your cellphone every couple of years; it’s likely you have an “extra” around the house. If a cellphone has had service at least one day, it is permanently registered with 911 and is able to make calls to emergency operators. It is recommended for you to keep an old phone in the “panic room” for access. Having to worry about finding your phone may not be as easy if you are in fear.

3. Arm yourself with a “household” weapon if you don’t own a gun, stun gun or pepper spray. You can order some non-lethal weapons such as stun guns, pepper sprays or door stoppers and alarms from Divas In Defense. Something as simple as a stick or aerosol spray can act as your last line of defense if need be. Keep a weapon in your panic room and be prepared to use it. Instruct your family or housemates on the location and proper use of the weapon as well.

As self-defense teaches, preparation and awareness is a majority of the battle. Visit Divas In Defense to register for self-defense training.

Know Your Limits, Be Prepared

It’s crazy that the month of April is already here, huh? The bees are buzzing, flowers are blooming, and the trees seem to look less and less naked each day. While April is one of my favorite months of the year because of its natural beauty, I also realized that it is Sexual Assault Awareness month. According to https://www.rainn.org/statistics, “80% of sexual assault victims are under age 30.” That’s FOUR out of every FIVE people who have been through an attempted or completed assault by age 30. When I think about all the things I want to accomplish by that time, I can’t imagine a sexual assault getting in the way. Even if you have never been through something so traumatic, someone you know has. Here are some tips to prevent and lessen your chances of sexual assault:

Avoid drinking/doing drugs at parties. You don’t want your common sense to be hindered.
Be aware that many sexual assaults occur even when the victim knows the perpetrator.
Never leave cups of alcohol unattended at parties, as perpetrators may see this as an opportunity to slip a drug called Rohipnol, or roofies, into the drink unsuspectingly.

Remember that if you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted you can talk to a friend, parent, counselor, or police about the incident. If you’d rather keep it private or need advice on how to take the next step, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673.

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